fbpx

To Learn More - Click Here to Book a Discovery Call

Shop Today

Feel Secure in Your Relationships

With: Paula Sacks

About the Episode

Work on your attachment style and improve your relationships!

Join Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Attachment Specialist Paula Sacks as she discusses how we form attachments, their role in relationships, and how you can overcome insecurity.

If you don’t know your attachment style, this is the episode for you!

What We Discuss

Attachment Styles and Where They Come From

Attachment is how you behave in your relationships. It’s primarily created by our relationship with our primary caregiver (usually parents) during our infancy. In the early eighties, developmental researchers decided upon three main forms of attachment in very young children: secure, anxious/preoccupied, and avoidant/dismissive.

A secure attachment style comes from having a relationship with an early caregiver that was characteristically soothing with mutual trust between caregiver and child. Anxious/preoccupied attachment generally forms from relationships where the caregiver fails to soothe, resulting in temper tantrums and clingy behavior. Avoidant or dismissive attachment is commonly seen in children who don’t pay much attention to their caregivers and prefer to do things on their own.

The Fourth Style: Disorganized Attachment

Toward the late 1980s, researchers determined about 15% of children studied didn’t fit into one attachment style but rather showed double insecurities. This is known as disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment and manifests when a person exhibits both avoidant/dismissive and anxious/preoccupied qualities in the same primary relationship.

For example, if the caregiver left the room, a child with a disorganized attachment would go after them, angry with them for leaving, but will pull away from the relationship at the same time because the caregiver is the frightening object. The child often needs the caregiver more than anything in this situation, which is where the anxious/preoccupied style comes from. But because the child is afraid or uncomfortable in the relationship, they pull back.

Attachment styles also manifest with adults in relationships. For children with warring strategies, it can result in future personality disorders. A relationship with a partner who seems to love you one minute but hates you the next or when partners don’t seem happy together but refuse to leave are both hallmarks of disorganized attachment in adults.

About two-thirds of people have a secure style, but there are ways to develop more secure attachment in adulthood if you aren’t one of them. It can happen on its own when you enter a healthy relationship with a secure partner and learn from them. However, some modifications do require professional help.

Attachment Work vs. Conventional Therapy

Depending on what you’re treating, all therapy options have credibility. For example, if you have a thought disturbance, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is most likely what will work best for you. Other common Conventional Therapy techniques are mentalization (or visualization hypnosis) and talk therapy.

You can also see attachment specialists if you start having relationship difficulties, who specialists in on treating disturbances to strengthen attachment. They are focused on how the patient was raised in their early days through a psychological questionnaire.

Because disorganized attachment stems from internal conflict, it makes it more complicated to treat than either anxious or avoidant on its own. Fear of rejection and abandonment fuels anxious attachment, so working with the patient to strengthen self-worth and overcome abandonment helps overcome insecure attachment. With avoidant attachment, specialists often refocus the patient on others’ feelings, which is what they’re lacking.

Preventing Insecure Attachment In Children

Because all three insecure styles stem from either inconsistency, indifference, or a combination of both, they can be prevented by making a conscious effort to be a more emotionally supportive and soothing caregiver in the first year of a child’s life. The more the parent is present and empathic with a child, the more the child will feel it, and the easier they’ll learn to trust themselves and others in adulthood.

One way is to express delight, which is when a parent finds joy in being a parent and is not preoccupied with the chore. It involves expressing the love and joy they have for who the child is at their very core, and not what the child does or represents. Parents must focus on wanting the best for the child, which means not having an agenda for them.

Relationships are any dynamic between two people, not just romantic dynamics, and everyone wants to feel valued. Life is perspective, so pay attention to how you see the world. Thoughts determine how you feel about the world, and how you feel about it dictates how you behave.

Start listening today to become a securely attached adult, or to raise secure children!

Guest Bio

Paula Sacks is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Attachment Specialist with a private practice in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts. She is one of nine co-authors on Adult Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair. Her book was awarded the 2018 Pierre Janet Writing Award at the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. Ms. Sacks wrote an Adult Picture Book/Manuel to teach parents how to develop secure attachment called, The Importance of Love Rays: Developing secure attachment in infancy and childhood, as well as, a children’s book called, Love Rays. She is very passionate about developing secure attachment in children to prevent attachment disturbances in adolescence and adulthood.

Links

www.paulasacks.com

Our Providers

Quick Links

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test looks for the inappropriate presence of bacteria in the small intestine known as Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth or “SIBO”.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Breath

COST

*$109 with insurance, $179 without insurance *This test has an initial fee of $109, if your insurance doesn’t cover the test you’ll be charged the extra $70.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the presence of harmful mycotoxins (toxins produced by molds).

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

Glutathione for 1 week, then bath or sauna.

COST

$99 – $184

INSURANCE

Fully covered by Medicare. Repeat test prices $400.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the genetic profile for multiple health indicators.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

COST

$319

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This company can test for lyme, babesia, bartonella and additional tick-borne illnesses.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

COST

$450-$3000

INSURANCE

Fully covered by Medicare. May be reimbursed with PPO plans.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the presence of harmful mycotoxins (toxins produced by molds).

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Urine

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

Glutathione for 1 week, then bath or sauna.

COST

$299

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates a wide range of environmental toxins that may be leading to harmful health effects.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Urine

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

Glutathione for 1 week, then bath or sauna.

COST

$199

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted $30 discount given if done with mycotoxins.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test is designed to look at food sensitivities (IgG immune responses). It is available in both a 99 or 184 panel.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

NOTES

You often have to fast for these tests.

COST

Depending on the test, deductible or copay may apply.

INSURANCE

Depends on insurance coverage, deductible or copay may apply.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

Glyphosate (“Round Up”) is a pesticide that is widely used and this test indicates the body’s levels.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Urine

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

Glutathione for 1 week, then bath or sauna.

COST

$99 ($69 if performed with mycotoxins or environmental toxins).

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted $30 discount given if done with mycotoxins or GPL Tox.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates many measures including micronutrients, antioxidants, minerals, detox, overview of gut function, omegas and toxic exposure.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Urine & Blood

COST

$179 – $400

INSURANCE

Depending on insurance coverage. Fully covered by Medicare.

INSTRUCTIONS

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the gut function and indicates microbiome balance, overgrowth, infection, inflammation, parasites and digestive efficacy.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Stool

COST

$160-$329

INSURANCE

Depending on insurance coverage. Fully covered by Medicare.

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

No probiotics for one week.

VIDEO INSTRUCTIONS

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the full menstrual cycle, female hormones, and adrenal profile.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Urine

COST

$160-$329

INSURANCE

Depending on insurance coverage. Fully covered by Medicare.

NOTES

Must be off hormones in order to do the testing.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test is specifically for a tick-borne illness called “Bartonella”.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

COST

$260

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test evaluates the presence of potentially harmful heavy metals stored in the body.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Urine

COST

Testing: $138
DMSA: $36

INSURANCE

Not covered by Insurance

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test measures saliva cortisol testing throughout the course of one day and informs us where there might be an adrenal imbalance.

LOCATION PERFORMED

At home

BLOOD FLUID

Saliva

COST

$80

INSURANCE

Only covered by Medicare

WHY DO WE DO THIS TEST?

This test is designed to look at food sensitivities (IgG immune responses). It is available in both a 99 or 184 panel.

LOCATION PERFORMED

In office

BLOOD FLUID

Blood

COST

$99 – $184

INSURANCE

No insurance accepted